Obscene and Absurd

WILILIKS

2010-12-22T23:54:00.000-08:00

According to the official definition sent to us via Twitter, Wililiks is a new website that publishes not-so-anonymous submissions and leaks of sensitive governmental, corporate, organizational, or religious documents.

The name Wililiks is derived from the Arabic expression "wilili" expressing happiness and/or relief.

We are still waiting to hear from the founder(s) although Gossip Girl recently published on her blog that the site might be related to an obscure group of arab anarchists: the AAs.

TBC...

Khollywood

2010-11-22T02:08:00.000-08:00

After Hollywood and Bollywood, here comes Khollywood, the first-ever school of Arab actors specialized in training young Arab talents in becoming Hollywood's best villains.

According to Mr Bin Ladinomek -Khollywood's founder- the idea of creating such a school came after noticing that the demand for Arab villains in Hollywood productions was increasing: "enough of poor make-up, cheap beards and made-up dialects, we at Khollywood provide real Arab actors with real Machiavellian experience", Ladinomek said.

The school has recently signed an agreement with Fox Filmed Entertainment- the global leader in movie production and distribution- for Khollywood to be their sole supplier for Arab villains. Word on the street is that the Warner Bros. has been making some phone calls to the school's principal....

When asked about future opportunities to expand the scope of talents, Mr Ladinomek revealed that a possible partnership with the Sudanese government was being discussed in order to create a "Pirates" program.

The Honkey and the Donkey

2010-10-28T01:21:00.000-07:00

Seen at the Comedy Central Show's best Karaoke after parties is President Obama.

Mr Obama is the first sitting president to appear at one of Broadway's most famous Karaoke nights: the Comedy Central Karaoke after party.

Mr Obama seemed pretty relaxed and bubbly. He ordered 3 blow jobs (drinks of course) and chose to sing "I will survive" by Gloria Gaynor and "California Girls" by Katy Perry.

When asked about his Halloween costume, Mr Obama said "it will be a surprise but I can tell you that it involves a donkey and a carrot"

Let's hope President Obama keeps that costume on.

Eat (during Ramadan), Pray (for forgiveness), (make) Love

2010-08-21T23:35:00.000-07:00

The new best e-read on Amazon - Eat (during Ramadan), Pray (for forgiveness), (make the) Love - is raising all sorts of controversies in the Arab world during the holy month of Ramadan.

"This is a self-help book for all Muslims who, just like me, feel torn between following the words of Allah and living the secular way. There is a balance, and I found it in Eat (during Ramadan), Pray (for forgiveness), (make the) Love", says one of the 12 9874 637 readers.

About the book

The book tells the story of two women, living two different lives. One is a Saoudi princess, Alilah Khakha, living a depraved life in Dubai; the other is Kurda Mushali, an Afghani part-time hairdresser. Both women embark on a life journey looking to better themselves in pleasure, devotion and life-balance.

About the author

Wants to remain anonymous until receiving her American Green Card.

Error 404

2009-07-04T10:43:00.000-07:00

ILLINOIS - A potentially violent incident was avoided at the University of Illinois last week after a student was caught with a cache of weapons on campus grounds.

Police arrested a 23-year-old Pakistani student Rajiv Punati for possessing weapons at the University of Illinois on June 22, according to the County Sheriff's Office report. Authorities detained the student on his way to class and found two metallic boomerangs and one sword hidden in his bag. He also possessed a rare weapon used by Special Iraqi Forces, the report states.

The boy told authorities he was just attending his Mechanical Engineer class.

Iraqi Special Forces Weapon

Metallic Boomerang

Special Izlamic Sword

Your Papa's Not Your Papa and Your Mama Don't Know

2009-06-29T09:03:00.000-07:00

NAIROBI (Daily Nation) - Mr Nicholas Jagason, who describes himself as a grand uncle of President Obama, stated early this morning that he had been fooled by Mr Obama's resemblance to his real nephew, Migaeli Jagason, AKA Michael Jackson. According to Mr Jagason, little Migaeli left his native Rift Valley at the age of twelve to persue a singing career in the United States. Mr Rajula is now the 12th person to enter the battle for Michael Jackson's kids. RIP.

Eternal Sunshine of a Despot's Mind

2009-06-27T03:41:00.000-07:00

TEHRAN (Tehran Times) – President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said on Saturday that the June 12 presidential election in Iran which has promoted and strengthened the government was the end of liberal democracy and liberal thoughts.When asked about the post election riots, Mr Ahmadinejad answered by saying that "images of riots that Western media show to the world are false. Jjust like homosexuality, the idea of political unrest in Iran is the product of an American/Israeli conspiracy. Iranians are simply expressing their excitement of entering a new era of de-mocratization."

Beirut Behind the Seen

2009-03-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

Syrian officer reveals in Lebanese Army statement: "the real reason behind Syrian troops
withdrawal from Greater Beirut in 2004 is late night noise pollution. My men and I tried everything: ear plugs, gun shots, Valium, nothing would work. The music coming from house parties and nightclubs was just unbearable!"

Here are some of the pictures taken by undercover on duty Syrian soldiers.

Root Cause Analysis

2009-03-23T09:15:00.001-07:00

Israel's Prime Minister- designate Benjamin Netanyahu in an attempt to redefine peace with Palestinian authorities, has presented his new vision and line of work for 2010 at the Knesset this morning.

After a Holistic rejuvenating week spent in the South of liberated Sinai-formerly owned by the state of Israel and often thought to be Israel by occasional Israeli fresh-out-of-the-army tourists-, Mr Netanyahu expressed his feelings of love, and compassion to the Palestinian people especially to the "innocent ones."

"From this trip I have learnt that in life, problems cannot be solved on the surface. If, instead, we looked deeper to figure out why the problem is occurring, we can fix the underlying systems and processes that cause the problem."

Genesis

2009-02-23T06:12:00.001-08:00

It's not a secret anymore- except for Dubai residents themselves- : Dubai’s economy is in free fall. More than 3,000 cars sit abandoned in the parking lot at the airport, left by debt-ridden foreigners. Some are said to have maxed-out credit cards inside and notes of apology taped to the windshield.
Mr Paul Bear, a 34-year-old Dubai resident, moved here a year ago to take an event management job with Dubai land, leaving family and climate change behind, so confident about Dubai's upcoming, that he took a 100 year mortgage for personal reasons. Obscene and Absurd caught him at the Dubai Duty Free, angry and ready to leave: "this is unfair, I was promised a favorable eco-system!"

Mr Polar Bear, another foreign worker brought by Dubailand, gone broke.

Note left on car by freshly broke foreigner.

Pocket Guide

2009-01-25T07:07:00.000-08:00

Level of Arab offensiveness and corresponding reaction.

Doctor, I'm an Arab

2009-01-24T04:32:00.000-08:00

Being an Axis of Evil native is no fun. In fact, whether having your visa denied for "insufficient funds" when you're Saudi, or asked if you are "Izlamic" by some Harvard grad student, generally makes you want to blow yourself up. Oops. That's exactly what I am talking about: we Ay-rabs have radical/barbaric reactions : joy and happiness are expressed by gun shots, and anger by self punishment, ie: I'll blow myself up to make you shut up. We are by nature politically incorrect: we clearly say (and by say I mean shout) that women are inferior human beings, that salvery gets shit done, that democracy is for pigs and that pigs are from the devil. This is why the reason Muhamed can't get into flight school anymore lies behind the concept of cultural misunderstanding.

Facebook for President

2009-01-24T04:16:00.000-08:00

We heart Facebook!

"If this group reaches 2000 we'll stop war in Gaza"
"Let's sign a petition to stop the war in Gaza"
"Tell facebook that Jerusalem is not the capital of Israel"
"Israel is not a country"
Etc...

Yes Facebook has the ultimate power of changing the world. It can stop diseases, bring Tiesto to play in Kabul, fight cancer, feed African kids, tell Bush to shut up, and much more.
Obscene and Absurd met with Palestinian kamikaze Akmad Khalibalak; he had one last message...

Dubailand Recruits

2008-12-28T06:28:00.000-08:00

Dubailand-a vast network of theme parks and entertainment complexes- is looking for native Americans to populate the Cherokee theme park. Please send cover letter, CV and recommendation letter to: webuyeverything@dubailand.uae.com.

Just Jew It

2008-07-10T15:02:00.000-07:00

We, Ay-rabs, like to blame the one and lonely Jew for our general hard luck. This is what you people on the streets hold him responsible for: putting The AIDS in your Nescafe, creating the gays, 9/11, Operations Desert Fox and Iraki Freedom, global warming, Tsunamis, poverty, your mom's terrible Molokheya, traffic, the stock market crash, your beer belly, and last but not least, the Jew is behind the very subliminal zionist conspiracy hidden in an innocent cartoon: Tom and Jerry.

*This crap was provided to you from your streets to your screens.

Nazif Cleans His Way to The Top

2008-07-10T14:27:00.000-07:00

In another attempt to educate the population, Prime Minister Ahmad Nazif and his cabinet decided on a new and more articulate toilet sign that would be distributed among all government offices and bus stations for phase one of the project.
According to Mr. Nazif, the sign is also meant to "open a channel of communication with the population." We hope Mr. Nazif will live up to his name.

Big Muslim Brother Stikes Again

2008-07-03T07:11:00.000-07:00

The new Hidjab campain is simply brilliant. It managed to redefine the essence of men and women. God created Adam the fly and Eve the lollipop.

Pussy vs. Manyaka

2008-04-12T05:27:00.000-07:00

A new "Is" spot for Sushi, Tai Chi, Kung Fu and Yourcheese fans has finally opened in Shitty Stars-Nasr Shitty last Thursday. The Japanese Sushi chain, Manyaka, has been conquering the international market since the creation of their featured item: the Mono Kini Rolls. They are hoping to open 4 outlets in Cairo: Tetnaki, Matetnaki, Kontitnekti and Tanaka. The Egyptian Center for Women's Rights has announced on Thursday a revival of its Pussy Campaign in protest against the consonance with Arabic female degrading terms.

Miscommunication

2008-03-25T06:56:00.000-07:00

CAIRO, Egypt - An American cargo ship under contract to the U.S. Navy opened fire on a small Egyptian boat while moving through the Suez Canal, the U.S. military said Tuesday in a statement. Egyptian authorities said at least one man was killed, but the U.S. said it had no reports of casualties. "The boats were hailed and warned by a native Arabic speaker using a bullhorn to warn them to turn away. A warning flare was then fired," said a statement from the U.S. embassy in Cairo. "One small boat continued to approach the ship and received two sets of warning shots 20-30 yards in front of the bow."- BBC News.

First, Americans don't understand that Ay-rabs shoot in the air as a sign of celebration. Second, here is what US intelligence means by "native Arabic speaker":

iPod being used by Army as Arabic translator in Iraq

Vcommunicator Mobile is a hardware/software setup (the iPod straps to your arm and gets a small speaker hooked up to it) that allows soldiers in Iraq to "speak" Arabic by choosing and playing certain phrases through an iPod-like interface. Very interesting, the Arabic text even shows up on the screen as the sound clip is being played, and phonetic translations and simulated graphics of suggested gestures for each phrase are included in the browser.

Ego Poost?

2008-03-25T04:45:00.000-07:00

After Ego's magazine obscure shut down, the brilliant think tank came up with a fresh a new image: Alter Ego; and a motto: "He who knows others is clever; He who knows himself is enlightened." -Lao Tzu. Here's one for you: “He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.” - Lao Tzu. Ermmm...I'm lost.

In the same line of self enlightenment, this very same think prank revived Bliss as Purple. How clever for a country that struggles for the seperation of the P and the B.

My Hebz Don't Lie

2008-03-25T02:51:00.000-07:00

Heba, Hebz, Bebz and her Baybz are defying the laws of physics: they are modeling. But wait, this mozzel (Heba), isn't just an absurdly good looking hanger, she is a Designer. Obscene and Absurd has selected the cream of the crappy collection for you.

*One of the skirts -doesn't really matter which one- is called "Amorphophallus Titanum SG". They meant Amorphophallic.

I'll Take You to The Mountain Top

2008-03-24T08:36:00.000-07:00

Breaking news. Pairs and pairs of fake legs were found in Omar Samra's basement. When confronted with the issue, Egypt's hero confessed that 'they' (the legs) had made it to the top. In fact, Omar explained that the artificial legs were mechanically operating, which made it easier for him to climb Mt Everest. For his defense, Omar showed us a picture of his great grandmother(2nd picture below). Claiming genetic heritage, he is now pleading "not guilty."

Omar Samra's great grandmother

I Am AUC

2008-03-24T08:01:00.001-07:00

AUC new campus. Along with the Sawiris Foundation, the American University in Cairo has launched its new campaign "I Am AUC". 1000 students coming from Lower Egypt were sponsored to study at Almighty AUC. In order to actively engage them in their newly acquired social life, AUC gives them the opportunity to participate in the building of their future.

AUC professors, Drop and Add week.

Off Scene

2008-03-23T10:01:00.000-07:00

Naguib Sawiris waiting for the US Dollar to rise.