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ILLINOIS - A potentially violent incident was avoided at the University of Illinois last week after a student was caught with a cache of weapons on campus grounds.

Police arrested a 23-year-old Pakistani student Rajiv Punati for possessing weapons at the University of Illinois on June 22, according to the County Sheriff's Office report. Authorities detained the student on his way to class and found two metallic boomerangs and one sword hidden in his bag. He also possessed a rare weapon used by Special Iraqi Forces, the report states.

The boy told authorities he was just attending his Mechanical Engineer class.

Iraqi Special Forces Weapon

Metallic Boomerang

Special Izlamic Sword

Your Papa's Not Your Papa and Your Mama Don't Know

NAIROBI (Daily Nation) - Mr Nicholas Jagason, who describes himself as a grand uncle of President Obama, stated early this morning that he had been fooled by Mr Obama's resemblance to his real nephew, Migaeli Jagason, AKA Michael Jackson. According to Mr Jagason, little Migaeli left his native Rift Valley at the age of twelve to persue a singing career in the United States. Mr Rajula is now the 12th person to enter the battle for Michael Jackson's kids. RIP.

Eternal Sunshine of a Despot's Mind

TEHRAN (Tehran Times) – President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said on Saturday that the June 12 presidential election in Iran which has promoted and strengthened the government was the end of liberal democracy and liberal thoughts.When asked about the post election riots, Mr Ahmadinejad answered by saying that "images of riots that Western media show to the world are false. Jjust like homosexuality, the idea of political unrest in Iran is the product of an American/Israeli conspiracy. Iranians are simply expressing their excitement of entering a new era of de-mocratization."

What Lies Beneath

Spring's in and skin's out in NYC. The Muslim Sartorialist, Mohamad Ebn El Deen El Muhanad, AKA "Mo"- known for his keen eye for fashionable Burkas- has taken photographs of trendy Muslim women around NYC.

Here's a sample of the hottest blog in the Middle East.

On The Street...Heating It Up, NYC

On The Street...Post 9/11 vs Affirmative Action Syndrome, NYC




On The Street...Fashion Week, Kabul

Whine and Cheese

UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon addressed Security Council concerning the Palestine-Israel conflict. The new "off the beaten path"Road Map will be presented to both Authorities by Mr James Blunt, world-renowned crooner and ex-Commissioned Officer in the British Army. Mr James Blunt's whinny and cheesy skills should boost the two parties towards a peace resolution.

Beirut Behind the Seen

Syrian officer reveals in Lebanese Army statement: "the real reason behind Syrian troops
withdrawal from Greater Beirut in 2004 is late night noise pollution. My men and I tried everything: ear plugs, gun shots, Valium, nothing would work. The music coming from house parties and nightclubs was just unbearable!"

Here are some of the pictures taken by undercover on duty Syrian soldiers.

Root Cause Analysis

Israel's Prime Minister- designate Benjamin Netanyahu in an attempt to redefine peace with Palestinian authorities, has presented his new vision and line of work for 2010 at the Knesset this morning.

After a Holistic rejuvenating week spent in the South of liberated Sinai-formerly owned by the state of Israel and often thought to be Israel by occasional Israeli fresh-out-of-the-army tourists-, Mr Netanyahu expressed his feelings of love, and compassion to the Palestinian people especially to the "innocent ones."

"From this trip I have learnt that in life, problems cannot be solved on the surface. If, instead, we looked deeper to figure out why the problem is occurring, we can fix the underlying systems and processes that cause the problem."

Genesis

It's not a secret anymore- except for Dubai residents themselves- : Dubai’s economy is in free fall. More than 3,000 cars sit abandoned in the parking lot at the airport, left by debt-ridden foreigners. Some are said to have maxed-out credit cards inside and notes of apology taped to the windshield.
Mr Paul Bear, a 34-year-old Dubai resident, moved here a year ago to take an event management job with Dubai land, leaving family and climate change behind, so confident about Dubai's upcoming, that he took a 100 year mortgage for personal reasons. Obscene and Absurd caught him at the Dubai Duty Free, angry and ready to leave: "this is unfair, I was promised a favorable eco-system!"

Mr Polar Bear, another foreign worker brought by Dubailand, gone broke.

Note left on car by freshly broke foreigner.

Pocket Guide

Level of Arab offensiveness and corresponding reaction.

Doctor, I'm an Arab

Being an Axis of Evil native is no fun. In fact, whether having your visa denied for "insufficient funds" when you're Saudi, or asked if you are "Izlamic" by some Harvard grad student, generally makes you want to blow yourself up. Oops. That's exactly what I am talking about: we Ay-rabs have radical/barbaric reactions : joy and happiness are expressed by gun shots, and anger by self punishment, ie: I'll blow myself up to make you shut up. We are by nature politically incorrect: we clearly say (and by say I mean shout) that women are inferior human beings, that salvery gets shit done, that democracy is for pigs and that pigs are from the devil. This is why the reason Muhamed can't get into flight school anymore lies behind the concept of cultural misunderstanding.

Facebook for President

We heart Facebook!

"If this group reaches 2000 we'll stop war in Gaza"
"Let's sign a petition to stop the war in Gaza"
"Tell facebook that Jerusalem is not the capital of Israel"
"Israel is not a country"
Etc...

Yes Facebook has the ultimate power of changing the world. It can stop diseases, bring Tiesto to play in Kabul, fight cancer, feed African kids, tell Bush to shut up, and much more.
Obscene and Absurd met with Palestinian kamikaze Akmad Khalibalak; he had one last message...

Dubailand Recruits

Dubailand-a vast network of theme parks and entertainment complexes- is looking for native Americans to populate the Cherokee theme park. Please send cover letter, CV and recommendation letter to: webuyeverything@dubailand.uae.com.

Rahm-Bo

Yes he did! Obama chose ziocon Rahm Israel Emanuel as his Chief of Staff. Muhahahahahahaha, gotcha!

Just Jew It

We, Ay-rabs, like to blame the one and lonely Jew for our general hard luck. This is what you people on the streets hold him responsible for: putting The AIDS in your Nescafe, creating the gays, 9/11, Operations Desert Fox and Iraki Freedom, global warming, Tsunamis, poverty, your mom's terrible Molokheya, traffic, the stock market crash, your beer belly, and last but not least, the Jew is behind the very subliminal zionist conspiracy hidden in an innocent cartoon: Tom and Jerry.

*This crap was provided to you from your streets to your screens.

Nazif Cleans His Way to The Top

In another attempt to educate the population, Prime Minister Ahmad Nazif and his cabinet decided on a new and more articulate toilet sign that would be distributed among all government offices and bus stations for phase one of the project.
According to Mr. Nazif, the sign is also meant to "open a channel of communication with the population." We hope Mr. Nazif will live up to his name.

Big Muslim Brother Stikes Again

The new Hidjab campain is simply brilliant. It managed to redefine the essence of men and women. God created Adam the fly and Eve the lollipop.

Cream of the Crap

Here is our highly anticipated cream of the crap. Again, we have to thank our pals at Scene and Heard for their "S&H interactive" that greatly inspired us in our quest for the best cuticles in Cairo.

Coming up soon on Obscene and Absurd: Pink ensembles, Dynasty hair-dos, fake chlorox blonds, Hebz don't lie outfits, muhagababes strike again, fair and lovely make up vs overcooked blond, FCUK shirts vs 3D polo shirts, chastity belts, trust us you'll be seen and definitely not heard.

Most Effective/Life Threatening Carpool


Best Camouflage/Optical illusion


Best Team Effort


Best useless musical instrument/souvenir seller on 26th of July (we know this is unfair because only one has the monopoly)


Most "Legitimate" Enterprise


The most astute police officer, AKA the only one who actually knew what embassy he was guarding



Best Handbag

Pussy vs. Manyaka

A new "Is" spot for Sushi, Tai Chi, Kung Fu and Yourcheese fans has finally opened in Shitty Stars-Nasr Shitty last Thursday. The Japanese Sushi chain, Manyaka, has been conquering the international market since the creation of their featured item: the Mono Kini Rolls. They are hoping to open 4 outlets in Cairo: Tetnaki, Matetnaki, Kontitnekti and Tanaka. The Egyptian Center for Women's Rights has announced on Thursday a revival of its Pussy Campaign in protest against the consonance with Arabic female degrading terms.

Fulla's Muhajababe

Fulla's new prototype: the glow in the dark mohajababe.

Engeleezy Wa7ed Zero Wa7ed

After reading the multiple comments on our poor knowledge/use of Sheikh Zbeyr's language (check comment previous post), we have decided to invest in private lessons. This might higher our self-esteem and help us get a life.